Tuesday, October 25, 2005

at the mercy of the clock

AT THE MERCY OF THE CLOCK

S has a new job. She starts tomorrow.

We have both known for the past few weeks that this day would come. She had to leave her old job when she moved across states - far too complex to go into here, but she didn't want to leave, nor did her employers want her to leave, but she had no choice in the matter. And so for the past couple of weeks, she has been looking for a new job. And today she got the phone call that we both have been simultaneously wishing for and dreading at the same time.

I'm happy for her - truly - she needs to get back out to work because I can sense a little bit of stir-craziness starting to set in. She's a very intelligent woman and needs to have something for her brain to be occupied with. So she will have something new to occupy herself with now. And not to mention that now she is working again, it brings our plans of her coming over here so much closer to reality. That is the big big carrot dangling seductively on the end of a very long stick.

But part of me is hating this. Between her new working hours (8am til 5pm) and the 6 hour time difference between us, our time together is suddenly sorely restricted. Yes, it's been somewhat restricted anyway since she moved, but this imposes even further curtailments on us. There is no way now that we will be able to spend any time together until she returns home from work, but by that time it will probably be nearing midnight here and if DH is around then it will be impossible for me. I just can't see how or when we will get to spend any time together at all - DH is an arse at weekends (as we have already more than established) and wants to monopolise my time totally, yet that is probably the only time she will have the freedom and ability to be with me.

So this is a bittersweet moment. I am truly glad she has a job again, she has income once more, and every week that now passes brings her physically that little bit closer to me, closer to us being together in reality.

I've spent most of the evening on the phone to her.

And most of that time has been spent in tears.

I know, deep down, that we will get through this. The love that we have for each other is strong enough to overcome whatever obstacles are put in our way. And when we are lying in each others arms, together in reality, we will look back on these times and know that we can face anything.

Right now, though, my heart is fragile and afraid.

Stolen moments will have to be enough. Emails sent and received in different time zones. Late nights and early mornings to snatch just a few words from her lips.

We can do this.

Yes we can.

And how strong we will be when we emerge the other side of this dark tunnel.

9 Comments:

Blogger Lil Bit said...

Hey, DF!! Sorry it's taken me awhile to get my ass over here to catch up on you some... and thx for adding me to your blogroll, btw! (very sweet!)
God, I have so much catchin' up to do, it's not funny. lol Soooo... I'll just say: "hang onto the memories as they're occurring", k? ;)

11:26 PM  
Blogger Romeo Jensen said...

that sucks!
well... just makes the time you have that much more special and important

11:48 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Sweetie---hang in there, you can do it. I know that it seems SOOOOO slow, but it will be worth it in the end. If you two have that strong of a bond and that strong of a love---nothing can separate you two.

Be patient, and understanding. Give her encouragement when she needs it...As I hope she does the same for you.

You're in my thoughts...Try to occupy your time away from her productively. Send her some flowers, or something special so she knows you're thinking of her.

I wish you two nothing but happiness. :)

12:14 AM  
Blogger FunkyB said...

I'm wishing you both strength and peace!

1:19 AM  
Blogger Sasha said...

cheering you both on hun! i'm a sucker for happy endings and i know you WILL be together one day --that's another happy ending for me!

8:21 AM  
Blogger The real me said...

Remember... don't sabotage.
Relish and know in your heart... that's all you can do.

1:33 PM  
Blogger art said...

hang in there

3:11 PM  
Blogger Spexial said...

i'm backkkkkkkk!

4:10 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

lil bit - I'm hanging on, it's good to see you here

romeo - it will be worth it in the end, you know what they say about no pain, no gain? well this is the pain before the gain...

~deb - we have an unbelievable bond between us, I know this won't come between us. Thanks for thinking about me, I'm keeping busy busy busy, helps the time to pass

robin - thanks petal

sasha - I can hear you cheering, babe, and wishing all the same happiness for you too

the real me - no sabotage, I promise, I'm relishing every second with her

art - thanks for sticking with me, art, I appreciate you being here

professor spex - what can I say - yay!!

9:43 PM  

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