Saturday, October 08, 2005

following your dreams

FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS

Listening to ..... The Smiths, There Is A Light....


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I dreamt about her last night.

There's a mirror at the side of my bed, and if I glance in it, it shows the reflection of my body, usually hidden by sheets, occasionally with a glimpse of leg or a foot that has strayed hotly from beneath it's warm coccoon.

I bought new boots last week - sexy, black suede boots - they've been a topic of conversation between us. And in my dream I was watching my body, clad only in these boots, reflected in the mirror as I moved.

I don't know what tune I was moving to - unheard music or an unseen touch. She was responsible for it though.

When I woke it was to the half-light of dawn, fingers of pale light slipping inbetween the cracks in the curtains.

It's 4.20am when I find her. I tell her about the dream. We talk. We share a conversation that really cannot be repeated anywhere other than between ourselves. I know she looks here occasionally, so all I will say, for her benefit, is that she made me ache in a way I didn't know I could. And believe me, I've discovered lots about myself over this past few months, but this ache was new. It was intimate, sexual, close. Soft.

I sacrificied my need for hers. Pulled myself away from the brink to take her instead. I wish I could have seen her face. But I heard her voice. I need her more than I have ever needed her before. She knows this. It's in the way I can hardly speak, the fact that my voice has hit that precise moment of breathlessness where cohesive language becomes all but impossible.

Footsteps upstairs. Suddenly it's 7.45am and my real life responsibilities are sharply in focus. We whisper out goodbyes and I am left wet and wanting. Frustration was never more so.

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You may recall my mention in yesterday's post of a little pot of gel. Pleasure gel. There will be a small pot flying it's way across the Atlantic within the next couple of weeks. I cannot wait to hear her response...

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One of my commentors believes what I am doing is wrong.

They are perfectly entitled to hold such an opinion.

In fact, there are many many times when I am wracked with guilt at the belief that this is wrong. I have no intentions of attempting to justify or explain why I am in this situation - a quick glance through the archives will tell more than enough.

What I find amusingly ironic is that this opinion is held by someone who believes in following their dreams.

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Incidentally, there's something bizarre happening with my blog today. Somehow, all my profile stuff and my archives and stuff have worked themselves to the bottom of the page. I don't know how that happened and I'm not html conversant enough to even attempt to put it right. I'm hoping it's a glitch and will correct itself. Sorry.

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And if a double-decker bus crashes into us
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck kills the both of us
To die by your side well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine

Oh, there is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out

7 Comments:

Blogger LaidBare said...

Your Castpost is too wide for your sidebar. To compensate that's why the sidebar is at the bottom of everything. Try changing the codes so that it looks like the following:

#content {
width:690px;
margin:0 auto;
padding:0;
text-align:left;
}

#sidebar {
width:250px;
float:right;
}

2:44 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

mended, thank you very much :)

3:23 PM  
Blogger Romeo Jensen said...

damn... I envy people that know HTML... anyway... I'd never judge you... it's not my place... and it's not the place of that person that judge you either... cant wait to get my gel... u meant me right??

romey

9:13 PM  
Blogger Yemanja said...

Love happens when you least expect it...

Trust your instincts and embrace your heart...

For you are the only one who truly knows the beauty and love you two share...!

:-)

10:22 PM  
Blogger S said...

There's a phrase from a song that's been running through my head all day.

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?

S

4:02 AM  
Blogger Sasha said...

*whistles* that's something else.. can i just say, i love how you write? i wish i could write like that.

7:02 AM  
Blogger GrandPooOfAwesome said...

The same thing happened with my sidebar at one time.

It's nice to hear about love that makes the body ache. Nothing is worth loosing that feeling. I hope things work out well.

1:39 AM  

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