Friday, October 28, 2005

we're coping


S started her new job on Wednesday. I know it's only Friday, but so far we are coping.

She's been coming home for lunch, which is usually at around 7pm for me, and we manage half an hour together before she has to go back. And I've been getting up at 5am to spend a little time with her when her house is quiet and she has some privacy to talk. So between us, we are managing. Just.

Last night though I couldn't sleep. I had a horrid headache and just could not settle so I pottered around downstairs doing mundane tasks trying to get into that dog-tired state. She came home from work at just gone 6pm, and found my pc unexpectedly online (although I wasn't sat at it - it is just always on, wherever I am in the house.) And she messaged me, and then next news she called me. We had a beautiful, unexpected hour together, just listening to each other breathe, just wallowing in each other's presence.

I think between us, at the moment, we must be lining the pockets of the telecommunications companies quite nicely. Neither of us know when our next opportunity to speak on the phone will be, so we grasp at the times that present themselves. And over the past couple of days, we have spoken quite a bit on the phone.

This morning I woke just as the phone started to ring. I knew before I answered that it was her, calling from the depths of her night - 8am for me, 2am for her. I lay in bed, warm and naked, listening to her silken voice, knowing that 4,000 miles away she too was lying in her bed. Low voices, barely whispering, murmured 'I love you's', sweet imagined kisses. Precious time, all too precious and all too fast, but still savoured, committed to memory to be brought out and lingered over later in the day.

It's such an inexplicable feeling, to know that I am so loved. To have everything I give reciprocated so perfectly. For someone to know just what I need before I manage to work it out for myself.

I just can't say how much I love her - there are just no words big enough.


Blogger natty68 said...

Aww I'm glad you are working it out hon. See if its meant to be then there are ways of getting around the obstacles :)


11:17 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

There is no other feeling like it---having your soul mate---at least, being able to find your soul mate.

Maybe I have to fumble through your archives, but where is your 'husband' through all of this? Just curious. Your bio is fascinating, and I was just being nosey.

I hope things work out where you are the most happiest... :)

5:41 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...


Hubby is still around, which is where the complications increase - he knows nothing of my relationship with S, although he does know she exists 'as a friend'

For the next week or so, he is working away from home (he works away a lot), hence he hasn't been mentioned very much at all. Once he is back home, you will hear him mentioned a whole lot more.

The archives explain a great deal about him, perhaps the most telling post are the ones entitled 'day of rest' from 17th October and also 'I'm listening from 20th October' - they will pretty much bring you up to date on the present situation.

I hope they explain things a little more clearly.

6:38 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Ah, thank you for that explanation. I am going to fish around in your archives a bit to get myself more in tune with this saga.

Now...question...what if she moves there near you...? What are you going to do? If you had your choice between being married to hubby, or living your life with your 'soul mate', which would it be?

Do you love your hubby? Maybe I should just check the archives and give you a break from

In any case, I hope things work out for the best... :)

7:02 PM  
Blogger CycleGuy said...

It's the unxpected moments together that are the most precious.

I'm happy for you.

7:02 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...


She is planning on moving over here eventually.

First though, she's coming over for a month, just as soon as finances will accomodate it. If that works out then she will head back over there for long enough to tie up loose ends. Then she moves over here. To be with me.

We've spoken at huge length about the logistics of it all, and the only real reason I am still in this marriage is because of my children - he's a good dad and they adore him. That, and finances. I think the archives explain a bit more but you may have to fish around in amongst all the everyday stuff to find it.

But when she is here, I will be with her. Simple as that really.

What a tangled up state of affairs, eh? Not a situation I looked for, it was a situation that 'happened' as these things often do. And now I am in far too deep.

7:10 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Have you ever met her in person, if I may ask? How did you two meet?

Mission: ARCHIVES Doing that now!

8:10 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...


Check out the post about her under the 'People In My Life' header over there >>> on the right - that tells you everything about how we met etc etc!

At least my archives will help you kill a little time, although whether they will alleviate your boredom is another matter entirely!

8:15 PM  
Blogger Leesa said...

I think the love you feel for each other is amazing. I envy that.
I'm glad you posted the different archives to check, I was just as curious.

11:15 PM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

"I think between us, at the moment, we must be lining the pockets of the telecommunications companies quite nicely.... And over the past couple of days, we have spoken quite a bit on the phone."

Get skype.

Can't stress the importance of this enough.

Get skype, get skype, get skype.

Trust me.


11:44 PM  
Blogger S said...

evil minx, skype is only useful if both of us have high speed internet and at the moment she's the only one with it. I'm working on changing that. :)

And hi deb. I'm the 'S' that deadly speaks of... I post here occasionally, just to let everyone know I am real.


3:43 AM  

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