Tuesday, October 04, 2005

why cars are just like women


A question for all the men out there.

Do you make love the same way that you drive your car? Because if you do, here's a few driving tips for you.

Lovingly caress her, stroke her, push gently upon the accelerator. Don't force her into anything she isn't quite ready for. Let her ease herself into action and you will notice her eager response. Let her change gears when she is ready, don't overwork her in any one gear, be attuned to the sounds she makes, know what those sounds mean, know what she wants you to do in return.

This is why my car likes a woman's touch more than it likes a man's touch. Because I know all these things. I know the sort of things a woman would respond to.

To get back to mechanics (although the thought of all that stroking and caressing is somewhat distracting.....)

Nope, back to mechanics.

And some simple maths.

Don't be afraid, don't run away at the mention of maths. I promise this won't be hard. *suppresses a giggle*

My car is very clever. It has a swish on-board computer that tells me how many miles I can expect to get, on average, from the diesel left in the tank. This average is based generally on the last couple of journeys.

So yesterday I filled my car with diesel and when I arrived home little computer said 620 miles before refuelling.

Then I let DH use my car (you know just how much he had been whining about my car *rolls eyes*).

When I got in the car again I noticed 2 things.

1. He had driven for 24 miles
2. There were only 545 miles worth of diesel left in the car.

Now do the maths, everyone. He had managed to use 75 miles worth of petrol on a 24 mile journey. How had he achieved this seemingly impossible task?

I tell you how - he had forgotten the golden rules of driving and had rushed that baby when she was not ready. He had not caressed, cajoled, seduced. He had lept in like an over-eager teenager and kept her engine revving when she wanted to slow down. He had pushed her past her limits until she lost the pleasure of the moment. He had driven her, in short, like a teenager about to lose his virginity.

Today I made a journey of 30 miles, there or thereabouts.

When I left home, I had 545 miles of diesel left.
When I returned home, I had 570 miles of diesel left in my car.

30 mile journey and I actually managed to regain mileage.

The moral of this story.

Drive your car the way your woman wants to be made love to and you will get far more than you ever expected to.

Make love to your woman in the same way and you will be smiling for the rest of the year.

Here ends today's lesson.


Blogger Kiachu Shen Ku said...


BTW, Nice Blog

9:01 PM  
Blogger natty68 said...

Glad I manage to make you feel comfortable enough to put a few extra things on your 100 things.

I dont know why, but I feel we have a lot more in common that we realise..the goddess obviously drew us to each others blogs for a reason..

9:24 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

You are my new hero. Well done!

9:56 PM  
Blogger art said...

Well it depends on her mood. Sometimes she's a Ferrari and other times a Mini. Actually a lot of times she's discovered she likes to "drive" so to speak :P Thanks for playing as well. Hope everything is going ok for you.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Romeo Jensen said...

wow... I guess i need to pay more attention before i go sticking my nozzle in the gas tank... and no more trying to start her when she's cold.


11:49 PM  
Anonymous Gareth said...

A regular lube job helps too....

12:05 AM  
Blogger . said...

Duly noted.


1:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice analogy.

And the Goddess draws us all to each other's Blogs.

2:23 AM  
Blogger FunkyB said...

Wait...you mean if I drive slower...ease that Mustang into gear...I can save on mileage?

Dammit -- why didn't anyone tell me this before????

2:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well i'm not a man and my lover isn't a man...but we make love so very passionately that it brings tears to our eyes...

2:00 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

Kiachu ... glad to hear that you're a slow driver...

Natty ... yes, I think we were drawn for a reason

Kathi ... I've never been anyone's hero before!

Art ... I can have my own Ferrari moments - just ask S!

Romeo ... you mean you go for cold starts? Naughty boy!

Gareth ... certainly does *winks*

Ted ... glad you were paying attention!

Real Me ... you liked that analogy then? Me too, seemed kind of appropriate...

Robin ... you drive a Mustang?? lucky lucky you!

Professor Spex ... damn I'm jealous, on all counts - and it was directed towards the menfolk because, well women just know these things, don't they?

2:20 PM  
Blogger ming said...

thank you for the tip, now i'll same some gas!

3:37 PM  

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