Sunday, December 18, 2005

grumpy

GRUMPY

That's my middle name right now.

Just call me deadly 'grumpy' female.

Sorry to bang on about this - I know that so many people in the world are going through so much more shit than me but right now I'm feeling really sorry for myself and out of sorts.

I can't sleep because of my foot - the hospital didn't give me any painkillers and because I'm 'Miss-Complementary-Health' they're not something I have in the house because I have never needed them.

I need them now.

I needed them at 4am this morning when I woke from a fitful sleep, writhing in pain. In desperation I crawled to the bathroom on hands and knees (the thought of trying to balance on crutches was just too much to bear) and ended up knocking back half a bottle of the childrens' Calpol - thats paracetamol syrup to anyone outside of the UK. It's bloody disgusting stuff and took several toothbrush mugs of water to wash down before I was sure it wasn't going to re-emerge as strawberry-scented vomit. Lovely imagery for you there.

When I finally got back to bed, still crying, DH woke up and shot a mouthful at me for disturbing him. Oh I'm sorry - how bloody inconvenient of me to have fallen and broken my foot, how damned selfish of me to be in pain.

So I lay there, in the darkness, waiting for the Calpol to kick in - which, incidentally it never did. And I was pondering about just how much this broken foot will screw up my life for the next couple of months. Yes, I know its only the next couple of months, its not terminal, its not life threatening and I know I'm being really selfish and I'm sorry.

But the prospect of the next 12 days in this much pain is incomprehensible.

And the prospect of surgery to pin it back together is intimidating.

And then, even when I do eventually get a cast on it, I still can't drive for at least 6 weeks. All the things that the children do I'm going to have to rely on other people to help out. And I hate hate hate asking other people to help, I'm an independant woman and this is really hard for me to deal with.

I will try and keep the self-indulgent, whiney posts to a minimum, I promise.

Above all though, it has made me want S here even more than ever before - probably for purely selfish reasons, of course. But I know that she would take care of me. I wouldn't have to beg her 20 times for a drink.

Okay, enough, I'm fed up talking about it, you sure as hell must be fed up reading it.

7 Comments:

Blogger Lea said...

It's ok, you can vent your pain all you want, although I think I would be calling back asking for some pain meds. Can't believe they sent you home with out any!

10:46 AM  
Blogger CycleGuy said...

That's what this is here for. Who else are you going to vent to. And go and get yourself an indusrial quatity of codeine, That should help.
This is also a time for you to tell DH that he needs to help out by driving the girls to where they need to be.
And I'm sure that S is also out of sorts and would also want to be there with you and for you.
Take good care of yourself DF.

1:01 PM  
Blogger Wenchy said...

Btw - we also have Calpol in South Africa.

I say complain all ya like. It's your space and let it all hang out dammit!

I am grumpy also today... I feel sick.. ugh...

Here's to us both!

4:07 PM  
Blogger Angel Girl said...

Girl I am so sorry to hear about your injury it has got to hurt like hell, especially since it's the foot. But I work in the medical profession and I will be the first to tell you.. "take charge of your medical care".. you need to either go back to the A&E (?) or call your primary doctor and demand some pain pills. If they don't give you anything still go to your local drugstore and load up on the motrin.. 4 pills will equal 800mg which is what they give out in prescriptions. TAke that every 3-4 hours alternating with tylenol in between.. if you need anything feel free to email me.

7:56 PM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

Ditto to what everyone else said, vent and bitch away here, it's what it's for! Totally agree with what CycleGuy said about getting DH to pitch in and help you now. Hey, don't forget to have food in your stomach when you take the motrin/tylenol.

8:48 PM  
Blogger natty68 said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry.

And yes I agree with everyone else, get hubby to do his fair share, he cant expect you not to be in pain and not grumble. I also think you might have to forego the "no painkillers in house" rule, just this once hon. They will help, believe me..big time.

You vent and whine as much as you like, thats what the blog is for.

*hugs*

12:42 PM  
Blogger Sasha said...

that's ok df. whine, grunt, rant, oh hell, cuss the world if you want to! if it would release that pain and anger inside of you, please do.

and remember that after you've done all that and just want to cry after, i am here hon. just holla.

4:30 PM  

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