Friday, December 30, 2005

pillow talk


A very interesting conversation took place between myself and DH the other night.

It was late - almost midnight - and we had both gone to bed at the same time. This is not something that happens frequently, and is more down to coincidence than planning. I have to be honest and admit that I actively avoid going to bed at the same time as him, so I will often go early and be asleep by the time he comes up, or I will let him go to bed and I will stay up because I am so engrossed in whatever I am doing.

Well, I had spent most of the evening on the PC, talking to ~S~ and helping her get her new blog set up. If you haven't seen it yet, go on over and say hello to her - she has the most beautiful and classy looking blog I have seen for a long time (courtesy of a template by Pink Design). So while I had been talking to ~S~, he had been watching football in the other room - his team was playing. For a long time I hated the football season, and I hated the fact that we have Sky Sports because it is on constantly. Now I am grateful for football and wish they would show his team every night of the week! He had popped in and out every now and then, mainly to be nosey more than anything else.

Eventually though I had to give in to my foot and admit that it was time to go to bed, which co-incided with his match finishing and he was heading off to bed too.

I get into bed, and he asks me what I have been doing all night. So I tell him that I have been talking to ~S~, that we've been messing around with web design and stuff. He knows, of course, that she exists as a friend. He was in a reasonably civil mood so I decided to tell him just how important ~S~ is to me. I told him that she means a huge amount to me. That in the time I have known her (which I think is about 7 or 8 months now) we have become very very close friends and that she has been a huge support to me. I explained about her home situation, what she does for a living, where she lives now, where she has lived. In fact I basically told him everything about her, and my relationship with her - apart from the fact that we are in love with each other and that it is so much more than friendship.

Surprisingly, he was very encouraging about my relationship with her. He did pass comment that on Christmas Day, when she called me, he thought I must have been talking to another man on the phone because of the way my voice changed - he said I sounded sexy - but then he realised I was talking to her and just put it down to me having a posh telephone voice! But for once he was actually interested in what I had to say - he was interested in learning about her. He asked if I had spoken to her beforehand - yes I have. He asked if I had seen photos of her - yes I have. He said that he was happy I had made such a good friend.

So I decided to take the bull by the proverbial horns and tell him about her visit in September. It seemed like an opportune moment. I told him how much she loves England, and that she has always wanted to visit. That she was saving hard and hoping to come over later in the year. I was hoping to slip in the fact that she would be staying with us, and preparing myself to deal with some resistance. Well, it was a good thing that I was lying down at the time; had I been standing up then I think I may have fainted with shock.

Without any suggestion from me, without any gentle hints, he just assumed that she would be staying here with us. Of course at this point I decided to play the considerate wife card and asked him if he minded. No, he didn't mind at all - he would probably be working away anyway. His only concern was where she would sleep, as we don't have a spare room. I suggested the couch, adding that I knew she would be ok with that, and anyway we have a seriously comfortable leather couch that is divine for sleeping on. And then I added that if he was going to be away, youngest child could share with me and ~S~ could sleep in youngest childs' bed.

Then came the complete shocker of a comment. He said that he didn't see why she couldn't share the bed with me - and I quote - 'girls are ok with doing that sort of thing' So how to respond to that one, eh? I was very very casual - of course I don't have a problem with that, I reply, in fact I've shared with C (one of my best friends) before and I shared with one of my witchy friends when I went to Witchfest a couple of months ago - but I wasn't sure how comfortable she would be with it. But if she was fine with it, then so was I......

So it seems that we have suddenly acquired DH's blessing (not that we needed it, she would have been here anyway) - not only to continue having a close relationship, but also for her to sleep in the same bed as me when she is here. Of course he believes that this is in a purely platonic way, and I have absolutely no plans to enlighten him otherwise. But it makes life so much easier to be able to talk about her, talk about how wonderful she is and how much affection I have for her, and to not need to hide her presence in my life.

September is getting closer and closer and closer, and already I can barely wait another day. 14 days of heaven.


Blogger Mermaid Girl said...


I am SO excited for you both!!!



12:54 PM  
Blogger The real me said...

Hmmm.... while I'm glad that you no longer have to walk on eggshells around your husband where S is concerned, please be careful... your enthusiasm for a new "friend" might not go unnoticed...

1:42 PM  
Blogger CycleGuy said...

This is great news.
September isn't that far off...
I'm happy for you both!

1:42 PM  
Blogger natty68 said...

Wow, your hubby is really being considerate - maybe he is I am glad that you can talk about S so freely now to him.


2:12 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

Mermaid Girl - Thank you! I'm just a bit excited too... ;)

the real me - I know, I have to just play a little bit cautious, and not mention her unless he mentions her. I don't think he is quite that observant, but I'm not taking the chance.

cycleguy - I'm just hoping that the months fly by!

natty68 - Don't know whether he is mellowing or whether he had just had a couple of vodkas. I think he has benefited from a couple of weeks off work. That, combined with the fact that he is needed to do stuff(because of my foot) has massaged his ego a bit and he seems a bit happier. I'm glad that he's happier - I don't like seeing anyone unhappy - but it doesn't change anything as far as ~S~ and I are concerned, especially not out long-term plans. And its impossible for me to ignore the dark side of his personality that he has shown so frequently this last year or so. Fingers burnt, I think. But I am glad that he at least knows the significance of ~S~ as a friend - he has always known how important my friends are to me.

2:58 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Hmm, well that is interesting. Had he been drinking?

Ok ok I am kidding. That will make things a whole lot easier for you.

4:55 PM  
Blogger F@ery said...

It's really good you and him are starting to talk more about it all :-)

5:35 PM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

I'll second what Real Me said. I know its hard to conceal the feelings when you're really floating on air inside. Play it down, not up, just to be safe.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

kylz - That's the thing, I don't think he had been drinking particularly. It does make things easier that I can say when I am talking to her online rather than having to make up excuses.

f@ery - Thank you

sassyfemme - I know that's what I need to do. I'll be trying my best to keep a lid on my feelings. I'm just wear my heart on my sleeve too much and I need to learn not to.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Voodoo said...

Yippie!!!! How awesome for you that DH isn't a total arse! Congrats on the news!

6:53 PM  
Blogger Bent Fabric said...

May I call you DF? It's so much easier to type. *lol* Anyhoo...

I'm not familiar with your entire story, but I'm thrilled for you. I agree w/ Sassy, be cautious and play it down.

Wow, one of these days I'll have to find time to read up on you, DH and S.

Btw, do you have a sexy British accent? I love accents!

7:00 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

voodoo - He's not quite made it to being a total arse yet, although believe me, there are times when he has been very close! But he knows my friends are important to me, thankfully.

bent fabric - Of course you may call me DF, I think most people do now!
I used to have some links in my sidedar telling more about our story, but I removed them only the other day. Maybe I'll do a 'story so far' post to bring you up to speed!
Oh and yes, I have a very sexy British accent - if you scroll down a little way I did an audio post a couple of weeks ago so you should be able to hear it - although I was talking total nonsense that day. I'll do another audio post another day soon, just as soon as I can find something suitably interesting and sexy to say - unless you have any suggestions??

7:16 PM  
Blogger Francesca said...

You are lucky to have found a soulmate like this. I hope all continues to work out. I am glad you can now be a bit more open with discussing her. (It's no fun having to hide things that are important to you...or your happiness.)

7:22 PM  
Blogger Wenchy said...

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live ... now." ~ Joan Baez

Wishing you all good things for 2006!

7:23 PM  
Blogger Chardy May Cosmo said...

That is truly hilarious. If he only knew. Poor oblivious man!

8:03 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

francesca - Every day I am thankful that she is in my life. She truly is my soulmate. And I can't wait for the day when we no longer have to hide at all.

wenchy - That is a great quote - but then you are the Queen of Fantastic Quotes. Thank you so much for sharing it with me.

chardy may cosmo - It does have a certain element of humour about it, doesn't it? And he will stay oblivious for as long as possible too.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

I look forward to the 'catch up' post :)

Wishing you all best for the New Year and everything that you wish for yourself.

8:58 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

miladysa - I'll get onto it early in the New Year, I promise!

9:21 PM  
Blogger Genna said...

This seemed like such a great moment for you. How great it must have felt to get some things out there "in the open", at least in some form. I wish you the best of luck to you. September will be here before you know it.

10:41 PM  
Blogger MamaKBear said...

Wow! I'm just floored that you guys even had a pleasant conversation! And about ~S~!!

I'm so excited for you! :)

12:04 AM  
Blogger Bent Fabric said...

Since we're on a first name basis, feel free to call me Bent. ;)

Yes, please! A "so far" story would be delightful. :)

And your accent is bloody scrumptious! People say I have a hint of a British accent, but I never hear it unless I'm listening to my voice overs. Weird. What's cool though is I can use words like pram and lorry without rendering an explanation them. *lol*

Your message to S was so sweet. I'm a sucker for love stories. Perhaps you can read a poem to her.

4:03 AM  
Blogger Lea said...

Wow..sure he was not drinking? he sounds just like my DH, almost.
be cautious k?
*smiles to you both*

4:07 AM  
Blogger Sapphire said...

Hey everyone! I just had to toss in my own thoughts. I agree with everyone who thinks that DF still needs to be cautious about things, but if other friends have been important to her - and I know of two that are quite important that we often talk about on the phone - then there should be no reason to suspect anything.

I'm just glad that our future is still solid and that September 2006 is just around the corner.


4:50 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

I would be careful...he might be fishing.

I think that men are generally clueless, but I also think that an unusual behavoir should be reason for a little careful consideration. Just a little advice from someone who has BEEN THERE!!!!!

9:31 AM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

genna - Yes, it felt great to talk about her. It always does. It's like that film - The Santa Clause 2 - have you seen it? There's a scene in there where Charlie (Santa's son) is trying to explain how he feels. How he has the biggest and most exciting secret in the world and how sad it makes him feel to not be able to share it with the world. It feels a little like that.

mamakbear - I was totally floored! In fact it was a really good job that I was lying down! Sometimes we can have a pleasant conversation - it's a shame that it is only sometimes.

bent fabric - I never really gave much thought to my accent until the first time I spoke to ~S~ on the phone. Then I realised just how terribly English I do actually sound. And I quite like that.
I'd love to read poetry to ~S~. I'll have to find something suitably beautiful though. Watch this space....

lea - I'm definitely proceeding with caution.

~S~ - What can I say to you, baby? Our future is solid, September cannot come quickly enough xxx

the recovering straight girl - Thank you so much for your wise advice, you are right. I was just so taken by surprise at him showing interest that I lost a little common sense for a while. Common sense restored now though!

12:46 PM  
Blogger Gareth said...

I vote with trsg for more of your speaking voice. It makes me so nostalgic for my native county of Lancashire :) And if S has a Louisiana accent then I think we all want to hear her too - that's another very attractive accent (in my humble opinion)

1:21 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

gareth - So you heard the Northern lilt in my voice then? I could never disguise that, no matter how hard I tried! And yes, ~S~ has a Louisiana accent and it is very very very beautiful too.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Wow!!! Fabulous news, DF!! *high five & hugs for you & ~S~* =)

1:32 AM  
Blogger No One In Particular said...

It's a great feeling, to finally tell him about it, isn't it? I told a little more to my guy, beyond the "just friends" thing. And of course, I blogged about it! Come read, if you want.

3:26 PM  

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