Saturday, January 07, 2006



'if you were writing all this in a paper journal, would you burn the journal?'

Wise words.

I read those words in the comments of one of your blogs. You will know who you are if it was your blog.

Those words hit home so very strongly.

Because if this was a paper journal I would not burn it.

If this was a paper journal it would be tear-stained, ragged and smudged.

But I would not burn it.

But then if it were a paper journal, would I leave it out on a coffee table for everyone to read?

If this were a paper journal, and if it were lying there on my coffee table, and if you picked it up and read it when I was out of the room, what would you do?

Would you confront me and judge me, holding it in your hands like a weapon?

Or would you quietly slip it back on the table and pretend you hadn't seen it?

And what would I do, later, when I notice that my carefully positioned journal had been moved by another hand?

Would I burn it then?

If I leave my paper journal out on the table, then I am, by implication, inviting you to read as if it were a glossy tempting hardback.

And if, after reading my paper journal you still hug me when we say goodbye, and you call me tomorrow to ask how I am, and you drop round next week to drink my atrocious coffee, and you wait until I am out of the room before looking to see if I wrote any more.....

Well then, I will know that you still consider me a friend.

And I will know that you care.

And the opinions of those that care are the only ones that truly matter.


Blogger Miladysa said...


So very pleased you are back :)

10:56 PM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

DF, you are, indeed, cared about by so many of us. The last line you wrote, "the opinions of those that care are the only one that truly matter" are very wise words. Hugs to you!

11:14 PM  
Blogger natty68 said...

Oh my dear sweet friend - you are a wonderful person. I have known you for a short time and already I feel I have found a kindred spirit. I am honoured to be a friend of yours.

And in response to the question, I wouldnt NOT burn it if this was a paper journal. The journal is yours to do as you wish, not what others want you to do - it is for your own personal thoughts, crys and laughters. Heck if people that knew me in real life (eg hubby) read what I have put then I would just say to .them - its my journal I am just putting whats real. You cant change that.

You are a wonderful and dear friend, one that I hope will be a friendship for years to come.


P.S. a quick tip, get haloscan for commenting - you can moderate before they appear on your blog, and ban ip's that way too. So if anything detrimental/abusive etc appears then you can delete it so that it doesnt appear. Believe me I have had to do that several times with my Barnsley stalker.

11:19 PM  
Blogger lecram sinun said...

:) enuff said.

12:49 AM  
Blogger Minerva said...

You are loved, revered and respected here...and we think the world of you,


1:32 AM  
Blogger Wenchy said...

After I left the x-person I threw away all my diaries I had from the age of 14 until 24... sometimes I regret it, but mostly, it would still be too many to read as thinking is enough.

2:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love this post. Very well said.

I write anonymously, so I guess I'd never write my stuff in a paper journal.

3:04 AM  
Blogger Francesca said...


Glad you're back!

Perhaps it's a good thing this all happened because you got to see, even more clearly, just how much you mean to your friends!

Indeed, they are the ones who matter...the ones who care...and you have MANY of them...



3:11 AM  
Anonymous lawbrat said...

I dont know you, but if Kylz thinks enough of you to put you on her blog, and saying you were hurt, you must be a very good person.

I'm glad I came here from Kylz, and wish you well. This was beautifully written. I hope to know you more.

Big Hugs to you.

4:53 AM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

DF, I could not have said it better myself... I'm glad you are back. And you are right... only the opinions of those who do care matter.


5:13 AM  
Blogger Kami said...

You are exactly right. :)

5:44 AM  
Blogger Sasha said...

i recognize it very well.

i am still pondering over my situation right now. i have seriously hurt people who are close to me in real life, because apparently they expect that the things i've written on my blog are the kinds of things i should've told them rather than publish it online for complete strangers to read. it wasn't meant that way, and you know this.

i seriously don't want to stop blogging. i love doing it, i love the catharsis, i love knowing what people think about my feelings or my situation, i simply enjoy it. but i've written about my skeletons too, and those are the skeletons that were meant to be mine alone. i may have shared it with the rest of the world who may have read it online, but i know i will never be judged because these are only the bits and pieces that will ever be known of me through the internet.

i'll keep you in the loop honey, whatever i decide.

as an aside, the person who gave me that piece of advice, he's only 20. such a young, intelligent buck.

6:21 AM  
Blogger pack of 2 said...

Welcome Back!

Glad you are here!!
Nice post:)


6:33 AM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

Amen to that, sister. Amen.

Your friend,


7:50 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Glad everything is okay.

9:56 AM  
Blogger CycleGuy said...

Just look at how many supportive friends you have.
Friends do not judge.


12:55 PM  
Blogger Mavida Lesbiana said...

Wow - great post! very insightful...

Glad everything is okay.

Angel got your e-mail and I read it, I don't know why my email addy isn't working, I'll check it...actually, I'll email you..

Take Care.

12:59 PM  
Blogger Angel Girl said...

Girl I am so sorry I have not been here in your time of need, this is all new to me and I have no clue what was said by the other person to cause it. There are alot of people out there that forget they are not the morals/best blog/blog design police. This is your life and you are making the most of it the best way you know how.

We are here for you 100% w/ no judgements - it's not our place to determine what we think is right and wrong. If you ever need anyone to talk to we are here for ya!

Love ya.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Really nice post, DF.
I care, sweetie! *hug*

1:58 PM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

And I care about you, too, Sasha!!!
Daaaaaaaamn, all of my fave girls are frikkin' leaving now? WTF?!?!?!

2:00 PM  
Blogger Lea said...

Very well written and said. That is why I love reading your blog.
You are loved by many near and far.

6:56 PM  
Blogger RaggyMaggy said...

DF - i love this post and hope you are OK. I didn't find you long ago and have just been reading small bits of your blog when I've had chance. Gutted that its not here anymore and hope happiness is coming your way xxx

7:03 PM  
Anonymous edge said...

wonderfully written and so very intimate. Glad you have been coming around.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Crescendo said...

Very good post and interesting topic. Happy New Year to you !

9:50 PM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

I don't know you, I don't have anything interesting to say, I've merely stumbled here in my search for something good to read. I just like this post and that's all I have this comment box opened for.

10:23 PM  
Blogger jazzy said...

ah DF! I'm so glad you are back. I love the way you said, if this were a paper journal it would be tear-stained, ragged and smudged.

So true.


4:52 AM  
Blogger Bent Fabric said...

Wonderfully said!
Welcome back! :)

11:57 PM  

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