Thursday, January 05, 2006

panic

PANIC

Sheer, total, blind panic.

I'm being pathetic but I need to get these thoughts right out of my head before I go mad.

~S~ was due to call me an hour ago. She hasn't called.

It's only an hour, right?

She had to go out early this morning, and was expecting to be back an hour ago. So she could call me. She hasn't called.

It's only an hour, right?

I know she had an important errand to run - she's probably been delayed. Maybe there was a queue, maybe the traffic was bad, maybe her car broke down.

Because it is, after all, only an hour - right?

But maybe she's been in an accident? Maybe something bad happened and she's injured? I won't won't won't think of anything worse - shut up little voice inside, I won't think that way.

Maybe she changed her mind and she'll disappear completely and never answer my emails or acknowledge my existence?

Oh for heaven's sake woman, get a grip.

It's only an hour, right?

Yes, it's an hour. It's been the longest hour of my life.

I will not cry. I'm a grown woman, I'm not going to cry because of course I'm completely over-reacting here and in a minute the phone will ring and there she will be. Won't she?

But the phone is silent on the desk in front of me.

Silence can be so oppressive.

What am I planning on doing, sitting here and typing until she calls? This could be a very long post if I do that.

What do I do if she doesn't call?

One hour.

Please please please let that phone ring soon.



::UPDATE at 4.35pm::

She called.

She was delayed.

I cried with relief.

And, oh my, do I feel silly now.

13 Comments:

Blogger Lil Bit said...

Has she called yet?

4:10 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

No.

One hour, twenty minutes.

I'm going insane with panic.

4:19 PM  
Blogger Francesca said...

Glad she's alright.

Perhaps the two of you can try using text messages in case of emergency or something like that...(???)

6:49 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

francesca - I am so relieved too, and I was more than a little taken aback by the strength of my reaction at all of this.

Unfortunately ~S~ doesn't have a mobile phone, hence we can't stay in touch when she is away from either a land line or her pc. Maybe that is something that should be addressed soon, actually....and there's a birthday coming up.....shhhh.....say nothing.....I have a plan brewing....

8:02 PM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

You had me worried there for a while too!

8:34 PM  
Blogger Mermaid Girl said...

I agree with you, silence can be so oppressive...it kills me.

Love
MG

11:46 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

There is nothing worse than worry. It is the most awful feeling. She definitely needs a mobile!

12:45 AM  
Blogger Bent Fabric said...

That's the sucky part about long distance relationships. If something terrible happens to one of you - like say an accident - how will the other know. I've been there and it's maddening.

Glad your love is okay and all is well.

1:56 AM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

Dear Deadly,

I read this only once the update was up, otherwise i would have worried with you.

And, for the record -- i think you and I must share some blood relation... apparently we both worry and panic in EXACTLY the same manner.

Just so you know... you're not alone!

Minxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS That was me deleting the first version of this comment above -- goddamn spelling errors!

6:49 AM  
Blogger Sasha said...

there there...

i'm SO like you i get goosebumps! whenever i go all paranoid like that i cry. seriously.

just calm yourself when it happens again... ok hon?

8:48 AM  
Blogger Mavida Lesbiana said...

You poor thing....

I've been there.....

Glad she called

:)

10:10 AM  
Blogger Wenchy said...

I hate that feeling.... I think just like you do.

5:02 PM  
Blogger moonwhispers said...

been there, done that. the distance is the killer...and not knowing how to find out. the panic is unreasonable, but understandable. my heart goes out to you.

9:50 PM  

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