Wednesday, January 11, 2006

you know when you get a feeling?

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU GET A FEELING?

One of those feelings that something isn't quite right?

That happened to me last night.

I climbed into bed around 11pm last night, and read for a while before my eyes started to close. Slept for a short while and then woke around 1am, unsettled about something that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I fought with it for a while, but eventually it beat me and by 4am I was wide awake, wondering what the hell was worrying me.

I sleep with my mobile phone beside me, although I switch the ringer off - mainly because I'm often alone and its a security thing - you know?

But around 4am I flip it open for some reason and flashing away is the message indicator. I can tell by the type of message that it's from ~S~ and I know instantly that something isn't right. Don't ask me how I knew this - its not unusual for me to wake to a message from her, but I just knew that this one wasn't right.

I also knew that I couldn't read it lying there in bed - my messages are password protected for one thing and the tapping of the keys to enter the password would make noise that is normally inaudible but at that hour would be equivalent to tap-dancing in my plaster cast on the wooden floorboards. Besides, when it's opened in the dark, the illumination of the screen is not unlike a 500 watt strobe lamp.

After lying there for a while trying to rationalise I eventually reach the late conclusion that I'm not going to get any sleep until I've read it and so I climb from my warm bed and make my way to the bathroom to read.

My instincts had been right.

The job that ~S~ had been working of, as of yesterday, has ended. And she is now without work.

By this time it's 4.30am and I know that I can't get up without arousing suspicion and disturbing the rest of the house so I'm forced to go back to bed and lie awake until a more reasonable hour.

Which is now.

I check my inbox for more details and there's nothing, so I check her blog and there is an explanation of what has happened. It seems she's not the only one affected.

So many thoughts are flying through my mind right now. I'm anxious that she has no work, no work means no money. Without a car, her travel options are restricted, which in turn limits her work options. As far as her immediate needs are concerned, she'll be okay because of her living arrangements - she's not going to starve or be out on the street.

But of course all of you reading this will instantly know the real issue.

September.

She was on the brink of buying her ticket - just this last week we have been checking flight prices and timings, we had settled on dates and all were just waiting another couple of weeks to see if the prices changed. Her passport application is submitted and she ordered her luggage two days ago.

Now all that is in jeopardy.

I know we are rushing to panic, there's 9 months to September, right? In fact, today it is only 8 months to the day that she planned to depart. We were both looking forward to today because it meant we could say 8 months instead of 9. Small things.

I'm just sitting here now, feeling selfish desperation wash over me.

Let's just hope and pray (whoever you pray to) that she finds another job soon.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It's now 7.50am and running close to 2 hours since I got up and wrote all that up there ^.

~S~ is due to call me at 9am, we'll have a chance to talk then, reassure each other that nothing will change. Hell, there's even a possibility that she could have another position within a couple of days.

The position she just had was a dream for us in many ways - she had internet access so we could keep in touch throughout the day, her days off were during the week rather than at the weekend so we could spend those days talking on the phone or online pretty much all day, she could walk to work and often came home at lunchtime just to call me. It paid well too, which has given her the opportunity to save far more than she orginally anticipated. She almost has all the money needed for her ticket. She has her passport application in, her new luggage is ordered. Realistically, she does not need a great deal more money to get her here in September. I know she wants to bring spending money - who wouldn't - but at the end of the day all I need is for her to be able to get on that plane. The rest is window dressing.

So, whilst a new position may bring it's own restrictions, we'll learn how to work around them. If all we can do is communicate mostly by email then that's what we'll do. We'll cope.

On a slightly different topic, I'm off to the hospital today - it's d-day and I'll find out whether or not I need surgery and how long I have left to cope with this plaster. Wish me luck.

DH is clearly still an issue - but I'll leave that for another day.

Today belongs to ~S~, and to keeping alive the dream of September.

19 Comments:

Blogger pack of 2 said...

Aww...shit!!!

I hope she finds work soon!!
Shelly

8:33 AM  
Blogger Sasha said...

i will pray, really hard, that she makes it on september. oh i'm so rooting for that!

8:52 AM  
Blogger natty68 said...

df, the way I look at it is that it wasnt the right thing for S. Maybe the goddess has a bigger plan for S, and now she is without work then all will be made clearer, as in a much better job will come along or something along those lines. I think you know what I mean..

I will keep my fingers crossed that you dont need surgery on your foot, and who knows you may even be without the plaster today.

*hugs*

12:01 PM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

Crossing everything that it all works out for you, DF... am now hopping over to ~S~ to say something similar..!

Minxy xxx

12:02 PM  
Blogger Sis B said...

Hi, Sweet! It's amazing how in tune we are with those we love, isn't it? I have had similar experiences with Soldier Boy--one time I found myself cheering him on, tell him to get up, he could do it--only to find out later at that very moment he wanted to give up.

I know you're worried, but in the words of The Hitchhiker's Guide, Don't Panic. Sounds like the people she worked for loved her, and they have some connections to re-employ her. I'm with Natty--I bet something bigger and better is just around the corner.

1:14 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

So? How'd you go at the hospital?

And, I was thinking about the whole September thing... maybe you can start up a thing like Kristine - A "Get ~S~ to DF Fund". I'd contribute.

By the way, I am a big song person too. The day that I was waiting for you to tell me what the hell was going on after you deleted your blog, I listened to "Immortal" by Evanescense over and over, because I thought of you when I heard it on the radio. I dug through and found the CD, and was going to send it to you. Then I got your email.

Just thought I'd let you know...

1:47 PM  
Blogger Cynthia said...

Came across your blog, love your writings..keep it up. Hope all goes well

5:23 PM  
Blogger Bent Fabric said...

That's sad. I hope this setback doesn't affect your plans for September.

5:23 PM  
Anonymous Edge said...

things usually happen for a reason. Good luck with September, I think it will all work out as it is supposed to.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just leave your idiot husband!

7:44 PM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

Thanks everyone xx

anonymous, if it were only so simple I would have left a long time ago, believe me. Sadly, things aren't simple - I suppose they rarely are. And there's more than just me to consider in this. But it's a situation that is being worked on every single day.

8:13 PM  
Blogger Wenchy said...

I believe with you that September is gonna happen just as you both want it.

9:23 PM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

Fingers crossed!

Hope things went OK at the hospital :)

11:17 PM  
Blogger The real me said...

As my celebrity crush says... "Keep the Faith!"

2:16 AM  
Blogger Minerva said...

I am really hoping that things will work out..I do find, strangely, that they usually do...

And in your case, I hope doubly so..

Minerva

3:01 AM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

8 months is a LONG ways away. Don't go getting too worried about it just now. Chances are it'll all work out fine.

How'd it go at the hospital?

3:41 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I hope things go okay for ~S~ ... I'm sure you're a great support to her--both of you hang in there!

{{hugs}}

3:49 AM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Thanks Everyone. THAT is your reply?! You didn't answer any of my questions...

7:33 AM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

Hey Anonymous!

Just leave your name next time.

Love you, DF.

Minxy xxx

(See, Anonymous? It's easy. All it takes is a spot of integrity, and half a brain.)

11:46 AM  

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