Friday, February 24, 2006



I wasn't going to post today. I was feeling fragile and brittle and exposed.

But something just happened. Something bad. And whilst I still feel fragile and brittle and exposed, I've added devastated to the list.

You would think, would you not, that there would be a finite amount of tears that one body could cry? It seems not.

All I have done for the past 48 hours is cry. Every time a friend calls, I cry. Every time I read a supportive word, I cry.

But now in addition to crying for myself I am crying for other people.

I had a knock on the door this afternoon. It was a very good friend of mine that I haven't seen to talk to since about November. We both have hectic lives and that is how our friendship operates. Her husband was ill before Christmas and I knew she was caught up in that as well as the usual madness of family life.

She called today with her husband. He didn't stay long as he had things to attend to. She knew something was wrong with me and of course when she asked me I cried again.

Then she told me that her husband was dying. Terminal cancer. Inoperable. He has been given 6-12 months. He is undergoing intensive chemotherapy and drug treatment in the hope of slowing it's progress down, but even there the best case scenario is 2-3 years.

I'm devastated for them - they have two beautiful daughters. I cannot begin to imagine what they are going through right now.

All I could do was hold her and let her cry while she held me and let me cry.

I don't think I can take much more right now.


Blogger Sapphire said...

Baby I truly believe that the Goddess will not allow more than you can emotionally handle to happen to you.

I love you baby. xxx

3:08 PM  
Blogger TigerLilly said...

I agree with S

3:56 PM  
Anonymous firetiger said...

my thoughts are with you! I don't know what else to say! xxx

6:40 PM  
Blogger moonwhispers said...

i am so sorry. it is hard to address the life and death stuff on top of your own situation. I am sorry for your friend that her husband has such a difinitive diagnosis.

but you need to remember that you are strong, and that no matter how bad you feel, you have the strength to go on. you will go on for your children, you will go on for your lady love, you will go on for yourself.

trust in your strenght

8:40 PM  
Blogger Sis B said...

oh, honey, the hits keep rolling. you are going to be ok. it's going to take time, but you'll be ok. sometimes you have to just acknowledge that you hurt and feel it until it dulls. you've read about things happening with me, and you know there are days that i don't think i can go on. but i do, somehow, through the strength of my blog friends and people IRL who love me. their strength carries me when i want to give up. your strength carried me. now i am here to offer you mine, as are the other people here and of course your beloved S. you will make it through this. i'm sorry to hear of your friend, and i know what this is doing to you emotionally. don't stop moving forward. even if it's an inch, move forward today, ok? sometimes holding one another and crying is the best thing we can do for each other. i'm glad you have each other to hold.

8:40 PM  
Blogger natty68 said...

*hugs* sweetie, you know I believe what S says. The goddess will only send to you what you are capable of handling, and at the end of all this you will come out of it a much stronger person.. that I believe.

I am sorry for your friend, and I am glad that you are there for her. Maybe this is what you need, something for you to focus on.

By the way I sent an email earlier..


10:10 PM  
Blogger CycleGuy said...

When it rains, it pours!
Chin up DF. Be strong. I know you have the courage and the will to get through all of this.
If you feel weak, remember that I'm here for you, ~S~ is here for you, we're all here for you!

3:21 AM  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

I agree with firetiger: If I had words to comfort, this is where I would put them. I would give them all to you and your friend so you would know that you are not alone in this world.
Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers, no matter where we are in this Blogworld.
Tears help a lot. It's the body's way of relieving pressure, I think, so if you need to, just cry because it will make you feel better knowing you are still capable of feeling. Just know that you are loved by many people, no matter how lonely you may feel at the time.
I hope my blathering made some sense. ;o)
Take care of yourself.

5:49 AM  
Blogger Bent Fabric said...

I can't begin to imagine the range of emotions that accompany that kind of devastating news.


9:33 AM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

I echo the thoughts of those who said that we're never given more than we can handle. Even when you're having to be strong, it's okay to have moments where you feel like you're losing it. Just hang tight. {{{ }}}

10:55 AM  
Blogger Aine said...

Hi sweetie. This is awful news. I'm so sorry for your friend and her family, how hellish for them. I can only imagine what they're going through, and you too. Always here, ok?

2:10 PM  
Blogger Wenchy said...

So, so sorry.

9:54 PM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Cancer is an ugly, evil thing. I am so sorry for your friends and you. :(

2:27 PM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Aw, maaaaaaaaan, DF... rains it pours.
Sooo sorry to hear about your friend.
Damn! The cosmos needs to give you a frikkin' BREAK! sheesh!

5:26 PM  

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