Wednesday, March 01, 2006

making slow progress


That pretty much sums things up all round, I think.

Thank you all for continuing to be here and supporting me.

Eldest child is slowly recovering - went back to school yesterday and promptly had to come home again in the afternoon. Off school again today but is eating a little more and I'm hopeful that they will return to school again tomorrow. Children are designed to worry us from the day the are conceived onwards, ad infinitum.

I'm sure my parents would say the same about me.

I've told them. Initially, Dad blamed me. Mum tried to make light of it with stories of her marriage. But overnight both of them have softened somewhat and I think will be supportive in their own way. Which is a distant kind of way, but they are there. Brother saw it coming - we don't talk as often as we should but right now I am feeling massive love from him, even without him saying anything.

I have an appointment tomorrow with a solicitor. Not to start proceedings, not at this stage. Mainly to find out legally where I stand and financially what I am entitled to. I've been re-thinking selling the house straight away. I'm hoping the solicitor can advise on all of that. And I'm not starting proceedings right now simply because I think it's fairer if I actually tell DH first rather than just foisting paperwork on him. I want to try as hard as I can to keep things civil - for the sake of the children.

I'm still very weepy - if I manage half a day without breaking down then it's a good day. If any of you have any wonderful tips for reducing redness and swelling in the eyes then now would be a good time to tell me.


Blogger patti_cake said...

Honey you have taken the first small steps. That's all that can be done for now. For red swollen eyes, um, maybe ice wrapped in a soft cloth?

3:05 PM  
Blogger Chardy May Cosmo said...

Nerve pills. Yes, I'm being serious.

3:41 PM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

Don't say a word to DH until you've talked to the lawyer, it could very much work AGAINST you, with what he could do or say.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Sis B said...

i'm with sf, don't say ANYTHING to him without the advice from the solicitor (is that an attorney?). even then, you don't have to be fair. he is not fair. he will not play fair, not now, not ever. it took me far too long to learn this about OF and it has cost me dearly--things i will never be able to regain. he is abusive, you know this. he will not play fair emotionally, physically, mentally, or verbally. and he sure as hell won't play fair legally. if you give him wind of it before you take action, you are setting yourself up for several things: 1. to be talked out of it and 2. to give him enough notice that he will try to screw you first. i know you want to be fair for the children, but the children will suffer MORE if you try to be fair to their abusive tyrant of a father. it goes against your very nature, i know it does. but don't listen to that noble voice in this case. i promise you, he does not have a similar voice and he will take every last thing from you that he possibly can. that's how abusers do it. they don't play fair because they don't see you as equals. and they view your playing fair as weakness. there's too much at stake for the risks.

thinking of you, dear. i know you are having the worst time of your life. the clouds will break soon.

6:08 PM  
Blogger Mermaid Girl said...

Cold used teabags or cucumber slices.

Or if all else fails, a damp cool face cloth with icecubes wrapped in it.

They were my best friends going back a few weeks.


3:36 AM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

Sassyfemme is completely right, as is sis b.

Please, DF, don't don't don't do anything without consulting a lawyer.


9:31 PM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

Cold tea bags for the eyes (put them in the fridge first).

(Hugs) x

9:49 PM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Cucs for the eyes... or a cold washcloth. Key is cold.
Hot tea (or water. heh) for comfort.
Friends for the heart.
~S~ for your soul.


5:31 PM  

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