Friday, March 31, 2006

you should never fight your feelings


I've just been listening to the radio - Embrace - 'Nature's Law'

you should never fight your feelings
when your very bones believe them

What a beautiful song.

I've been to the hairdressers today and I feel pretty. I used to go to this particular hairdresser all the time and then, for some unknown reason, I got out of the habit. Anyway, I went back today and remembered why I liked going - this guy is funny. Gay, camp and just so comical. He's intelligent too - we had a real conversation about real things.

Plus he made my hair look pretty.

Waist length, red, and now with a very subtle curl. I'll lose the curl the next time I wash it but for now I feel like I'm 20 again. I feel like swishing my hair around my shoulders and smiling my way down the street, bathed in spring sunshine.

In other matters, I'm enduring the claustrophobia of a man that refuses to believe it's over. Suffocating. He is trying to make an effort the best way he knows. But it's dead for me. His continued attempts to touch me (last night it was a pat on the bottom as he walked past me) leave me wanting to scream.

Sunshine always makes life seem a little easier though, and I can see the light shining at the end of the tunnel, even if I'm not quite there yet.


Blogger Aine said...

"His continued attempts to touch me (last night it was a pat on the bottom as he walked past me) leave me wanting to scream."

Repungent character.

Your hair sounds glorious! :D

1:38 PM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Hang in there honey and keep your guard up.
Oh what I wouldn't give to have waist-length hair! It sounds beautiful!

3:11 PM  
Blogger Sis B said...

I'm jealous of your hair! And your hairdresser!

Tell him to keep his hands off of you. You have that right. I didn't realize I had it until it was too late, but you can still do it. You don't have to let him molest you to keep the peace. Really, you don't.

Swish your beautiful red hair around and tell him to keep his nasty hands off of you.

8:23 PM  
Blogger d. said...

swish away and enjoy the sunshine!
as for the other matter, i truly hope that it all works out in the best way for you...i have been there and know it is tough.

8:34 PM  
Blogger 40spoet said...

it is always amazing to me how a trip to the hair stylist, or even something as simple as going for a walk on a sunny day, lifts my spirits. take care!

9:01 PM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

I'm with sis b. (Again. Damn, that woman knows her shit.)

My first thought when i read what you wrote about him pawing you was "tell the nasty little turd to keep his filthy mitts off your glorious derriere"

My thoughts haven't changed. Heh.

Minxy xxxxxxxxx

9:13 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Waist length, eh? I can't even imagine. I just chopped mine again and it's right at my chin. I bet you look fabulous! (and there's nothing like looking fabulous on your walk to the end of that tunnel)

9:52 PM  
Blogger BeckyD said...

I have found your blog quite by accident, but have been mesmerized by it ever since. I have read every post from the beginning, almost like a novel and am totally engrossed in your love story.

I have been where you are, trying desperately to find a way out of a dead abusive marriage, with 3 kids, and an ex who was fighting (sometimes physically) to hold on to me.

I too was in love with my best friend and he became my lifeline, my cheerleader, my support system. Without him I'm not sure I could have found the strength to do what was necessary. He did nothing more but offer support, and yet that was everything.

I wish you and your family and your soul-mate all the luck, hope and love. I hope that you find the courage you need to get you and the children out of this dangerous marriage. I hope that you realize that there is always help if you ask. Don’t stay for financial reasons, the money always seems to be there just when you need it, and never a minute earlier. God has a way of providing. Have faith, and don’t give up, no matter how hard it is. In the end the fight to get out is always worth it, no matter how ugly and messy it may get.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Wenchy said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh enjoy that feeling! Hang onto it.

When I told the x-person I was leaving... I got the same response. He just kinda ignored what I had said on some level. He told me years later that he never thought I would actually go through with it.

Thinking of you.

10:32 PM  
Blogger Minerva said... HAIR....

I am GREEN with envy....

(I currently have about an inch of stubble...)

12:39 AM  
Blogger Mermaid Girl said...

Can you photograph your hair for us? It sounds so beautiful :)

I agree with sis b...your body darling girl, bite his hand next time he walks past...he'll soon learn!

Loads of hugs

12:50 AM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

Maybe you should scream... might get your point across.

There's no substitute for a good hair dresser! Glad you went back to one you like!

3:55 AM  
Blogger Lilly said...

Im happy you sound so bright and breezy :)
Your hair sounds lovely and that song is amazing isnt it

7:49 AM  
Blogger addict said...

I just wanted you to know that I am so proud of you!

(Sis B is so smart... she's my blog daughter, you know)

9:16 AM  

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