Thursday, April 06, 2006



Who really is taking the risk here?

Is it me?

I don't think it is. I'm leaving this marriage anyway. Regardless of the situation with ~S~, I am moving into life as a single parent. In practical terms it won't be that much different than life now. My children will still have both parents, who in time will be so much happier apart than we have been together. I know that happiness will take time to settle, I know there will be upset and difficulties but leaving this marriage is the right thing for me, for my children, and also for him.

But I will still have all my family around me, all my friends, all the support network that has been built up over the last few years of my life. That won't change.

My children will still have their family, their friends. Whilst there will of course be some change in their lives, this change will be kept to a bare minumum. When DH and I have spoken over the last few weeks the one thing we have both been in agreement on is that the children must be given as much security and stability as possible. They are priority. I know they are bound to be upset but I also know that if things are handled properly and with sensitivity that they will come through this just fine. They are loved and cared about by a lot of people and that will help them enormously.

So who really is taking the risk?

By the time ~S~ comes here to live, I will hopefully already have my life as a single parent established.

She, on the other hand, is leaving everything behind.

She's leaving her family, her home, her work, her friends and colleagues. She's moving over 4,000 miles away from everything she has ever known. She's moving to a country that has many similarities, but also a vast number of differences.

She won't be able to work for 6 months after moving here - so she has to have money to support herself with for at least that period of time. Then she has to find a job. In the midst of all this, she has to adapt to a whole new way of life.

Who really is taking the risk?


Blogger moonwhispers said...

hon, if you are not risking, you are not living. every day we are functioning in the world we are risking.

is one risk bigger than the other? why is it that we humans view everything in comparative realities? what matters is if we aren't risking, we aren't living.

i have not read previous comments to know if you are responding to something specific, but if so, do not worry about it. its your life to choose each step and S's life to choose each step, and I have to tell you from where I sit, you have been making some good choices, both of you. healthy, well considered choices. risky, yes, again, if there is no risk, you aren't really living.

you do not have to allow anyone's words to affect you, even mine :), but just keep doing what you have been. making healthy, well considered choices, taking the risks you need to take.

big hugs to you both

2:30 PM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Honey you are both taking risks and I think ~S~ is more than willing to take the risks on her part. Hopefully things will be more settled on your end when she comes. BTW why can't she work for six months after moving there?

3:07 PM  
Blogger EE said...

You and your husband are coming at the situation w/ your children very mature. Kuddos.

You are both taking risks. Like the person above said, life is about taking risks to make ourselves happy.

*hugs* to both you and S.

3:41 PM  
Anonymous pink said...

If you never take a risk you never gain anything.

4:16 PM  
Blogger art said...

D, moonwhisper has it right on this I think. If you're not risking anything always playing it safe, never running around with the scissors, or sitting with your nose 1/2 inch from the tv; then yes you are safe but.........have you lived? Risk is a relative term. Just keep thinking of the kids well being first and formost, (Like you really need to be told that :) ) peace~art

4:34 PM  
Blogger Wenchy said...

Very true.

6:17 PM  
Blogger natty68 said...

I agree with moonwhispers, everyday is a risk we take. We take a risk in just getting up each morning not knowing how each day is going to turn out..


6:46 PM  
Blogger lecram sinun said...

Change can be challenging... but essential to living a fuller life. My thoughts are with you. :)

7:19 PM  
Blogger 40spoet said...

just keeping up with the ongoing story. risk is relative, just as everyone else has said. take care and be patient. everything will all work out, it always does. hope you have a good day.

8:45 PM  
Blogger pack of 2 said...

Risks? They are a part of every relationship. You give your heart and soul to someone that you're in love with and trust that they'll take care of it. The risk that ~S~ is taking is a great one, but she is following her heart to be with the one she is meant to be with. I'm sure she'd do it a thousand times over to be able to wake up with you every morning. I know I would do it for Shelly. I would have 10 years ago and I would again today. Someday your lives will be peaceful and full of love and each will be worth the wait and all this crap for both of you.


11:34 PM  
Blogger saratoga said...

You are taking a risk with your own life. In this case, the risk is that there is someone close by to you, perhaps only miles, who could hold you, spend time with you physically, and give you the assurance of truly viable physical chemistry.

I traveled literally halfway around the world to meet an online paramour who was not The One.

I subsequently found a delightful, satisfying, wonderful partner, online, literally 1 mile from my home. We spent far more time together than could have been possible from a distance, and we spent it while our relationship was "new."

Need I say more?

12:12 PM  
Blogger Sapphire said...

No, Saratoga. I wish you wouldn't say ANYTHING more.

4:03 PM  
Blogger Aine said...

Saratoga, no offense, but what a pointless comment. How close a person lives to you has nothing whatsoever to do with love.

My ex lived two minutes round the corner from me and that didn't exactly pan out well.

Maybe one day I'll get lucky and find myself someone as special to me as S and DF are to each other. I hope so. And if she (or he) is half way across the world (entirely possible as most people I meet, I meet on line), well, I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

Leaving such a negative comment really isn't helpful. DF and S need support at the moment, not judgemental opinions from someone who's outside the situation.

Why attempt to instil doubt in two people who are so lucky to have found each other, and are handling the complications they face admirably?

Right. I'll come down off my soapbox now.

4:51 PM  
Blogger Evil Minx said...

*Climbs on to Jules' soapbox*

Hey, Saratoga -- next time you go looking for the perfect partner, why don't you detour and go looking for some sensitivity instead?

Sheesh. Read this blog. Read the comments. Get a clue. Engage brain.

Your thoughtlessness blew me away. Shame.

*Climbs off soapbox, turns to DF*

Honey -- yes, she is taking a risk, but a calculated and well-thought out one. Not one taken on a whim. And this is one so worth taking, one she would regret for the rest of her life if she didn't. So in a way, the risk would be to not do anything.

And things will work out. I can just feel it. And i speak from positive experience -- chemistry like yours cannot be mistaken.

I love you both,

Minxy xxxxx

9:35 PM  
Blogger Frankie said...

Though I didn't meet my bf online, I spent 5 days with him and then it was love. I have been now living in his country for a little more than 8 months, and it is wonderful. Yes, it is hard, and yes, there are obstacles, but you know what? One at a time, love does conquer all. Please do not lose hope, I am living prrof that you can do it. I learned a foreign language for 3 years in order to be able to live here! Keep hoping and trust each other and your love. Female intuition is the best compass for life.


7:12 PM  
Blogger Mallard said...

Hmmm... if people aren't willing to appreciate ALL sides of the equation - the pluses and the negatives, why have a comment feedback section, folks? It's none of our business, anyway!

12:39 PM  

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